I know I haven’t written much lately, life is just so hectic for me. The doctors (specialists) have been running me ragged, so when I have down time, I am DOWN. Just this month alone I have to make 6 trips out of town to doctors…endocrinologist, pain management, neuro-surgeon, psychiatrist, joy joy. It’s wearing my body down, travel just shatters me completely. I am SO tired, so very tired right now. It also makes my pain so much worse.

Today is mine and D’s 5th anniversary. I LOVE her so much, she’s my rock, my soulmate, my heart…the love of my life. 5 years ago she came into my life and saved me. She saves me over and over again every day. She’s not only the most beautiful woman I have ever met, she’s the strongest. She has listened to me as I spilled out all of my secrets, so many years of built up pain and secrets. She stayed, she listened with more patience than anyone I’ve ever known. She is my calm within my storm. I know I am shattered into a billion and one pieces and I can truly never be put back together again, but she sure has healed me in so many ways. She is my goddess, D—I love you SO much honey, you are my life. Happy Anniversary.

On the family front, it’s been stressful (but when is it NOT stressful) and it’s causing me bad, bad anxiety. I wish my family would understand that while I might SEEM strong, I am not and I can’t handle drama after drama. It’s wearing me down and killing me. Anyhow, that’s that about my family hah!

Today is the date of my Papa’s death….so it’s always bittersweet for me. I have the happy thoughts of my anniversary, yet I also get very sad and miss my Papa. He was the greatest man EVER. I will never forget his smell, his boisterous voice, that thick Greek accent. I used to love sitting in his lap, hearing him talk to me in Greek then translating it for me. One thing I always heard from him was S’agapo, which means “I love you”. I loved hearing him say my name, the name he gave me. I think so much of how my life would have been had he not died. I wouldn’t have been with “Dad”, the abuse would have stopped and I could have lived a happy life. I remember being in the hospital bed with Papa as he was dying, his arm around me, me snuggled against his chest. I remember feeling the life go out of him, his heart not thudding for me to hear, I will never forget that moment. I also remember thinking that I wanted to go with him, why didn’t he just take me with him too? I didn’t want to be hurt by “Dad” anymore, I wanted to go heaven with my Papa, my REAL father. But he left me here and I was angry for quite some time, I knew in my heart he didn’t WANT to leave me, I knew how much he loved me, I knew if he had the choice he would have stayed with me. Ah, God, I just miss him so much…so very  much. I LOVE YOU Papa, I always will. I know you are there, watching over me, watching me type this blog and I hope you are smiling and feeling the love I have for you, the love that a son has for his father.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuE1XJ_uqOs

I’m out….

Lisa has been found and she is OK, thank goodness!

I have a lot to talk about I suppose. I haven’t updated in a bit. So here we go!

I haven’t been around much in the past week, because I was put into the hospital last weekend. Last Thursday night/Friday Morning (May 27th), my blood sugar went up over 800 and my sister (the nice one hah) rushed me to the hospital at 2:30 in the morning. I was given over 110 units of insulin both by IV and subcutaneously over a 6 hour period in the ER and it wouldn’t come down under 600 so they put me in the hospital.  We still don’t know what caused it to go so high and not want to come down. So I have to be even more vigilant with checking it (5 times a day now instead of 3), and my doctor upped my nightly insulin and left my insulin with meals at the same units.

I went to the pulmonologist yesterday, because that “nodule” they found in my lungs months ago is STILL there, so they are concerned. The pulmonologist said he wants to watch it carefully, so I have to have a CT scan of my right lung every 3 months. He is also sending me for a Lung Capacity Function test AND some genetic testing. I don’t know anything about my Papa’s side of the family. The only thing I know is that he died of brain cancer. So the pulmonologist wants to do the genetic testing to find out if I have the genes that will cause lung cancer or other lung diseases, especially since I have had severe asthma since I was a young child. He is also sending me to a cardiologist, because my heart beats are all out of whack again.

The ER doctor who admitted me last weekend wants my regular doctor to send me to a endocronologist (Diabetes) doctor. So I will be doing that soon as well. Also a trip to the neurologist to possibly schedule surgery to fuse my spine. I have that herniation in the cervical spine at C6/C7 that is causing me to slowly lose use of my arms and has caused bad neuropathy. I have 5 herniations in my lower back, but they won’t do surgery on those because they are “too involved” and I was basically told I would have to “live with the pain”. SOOO, I am also going to be sent to a pain management clinic. My doctor says it’s also time for another endoscopy and colonoscopy *cringe*.

HOW in the hell am I going to pay for all this, you may ask? Well…

I GOT MY SSI (DISABILITY) FINALLY!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

I found out last weekend while I was in the hospital (kind of ironic huh? HAH). My daughter came to my apartment to get me some pajamas, my fuzzy socks, etc. and she checked my mail and had to call me and tell me the good news.

Why haven’t I already told everyone, you ask? Because I just couldn’t be happy/excited about it. As my regular readers know, I’ve been fighting for my SSI for about 10 years now. That’s right, 10 years, 3 hearings and 2 lawyers later, I finally have it. The judge I had this time was amazing and in her decision she kind of vindicated me. The former judge was an asshole who pre-judged me by my looks *shakes head*. The new judge said in her FULLY FAVORABLE decision that my testimony was “very credible”. She also said that she didn’t believe the SSA’s doctor they sent me to, she said she discredited everything he put in his reports and that my doctors testimony/letters/reports held more weight *big smile*!! She said that what I said, what my doctor said was right in line with what the Functional Capacity Exam report showed. It was nice to know she listened to me, she didn’t just look at me and see a effeminate man, who is Autistic and a bit “different”. She saw someone truly sick and in PAIN. Someone honest. And that’s all I’ve ever been is totally honest, that’s all I CAN be.

So I am telling everyone now, because I had my interview with my local SS office and it’s all confirmed and I should have my Medicaid card in about 7 days (maybe sooner) and my first monthly check and some of my back pay SOON! I am a bit bummed that after waiting 10 years, they are only going to pay me back to January 13th 2009 AND that they aren’t even going to give me THAT all at one time. They are going to break it up into 3 payments 6 months apart. She said after the first 2 checks, if there was anything left (which there will be), I would then get a lump sum payment. It kind of pisses me off, because I am classified as terminally ill, don’t they stop to think that I might not be here then?!?! If that happened, where does the rest of my back pay go? To my family or back into the pockets of the government? Ah well, anyhow, I am HAPPY to have my insurance, monthly checks and SOME of the back pay. With the first installment, I am going to FINALLY get my new furniture so I can be COMFORTABLE in my own apartment. I can’t even sit in my living room because the sofa I have right now hurts me too bad. It will be nice to have living room furniture I can sit on and be COMFY. Once I get it all fixed up, I will take some new pictures of my apartment and post them!

So now, I am a bit more happy, yet still a bit apathetic at times. When I have the insurance card and my first checks in my hand, then I will be ecstatic haha! I’ve been screwed by this process so many times, I guess I get scared something will happen and it will be jerked out of my hands, you know?

I want to thank everyone who’s been SO supportive of me during this disability process! It meant a lot to me–all the prayers, thoughts, love! I also want to thank my AMAZING doctor. I feel so blessed to have found him! He’s one of the few doctors I’ve ever seen that actually takes TIME with me, he sits and talks with me, he calls me at home to check on me, it’s just wonderful! I know a LOT of the reason I got my SSI this time was because of him. He pushed, he kept immaculate records, he sent me for the appropriate tests, etc. I love him to bits and pieces!!

I also want to thank D and the kids, they have stood beside me through this process, they’ve listened to me cry and be suicidal when I was screwed over time and again, they NEVER let me give up! I LOVE YOU!! I want to thank two very special friends who have helped me SO much! My words of thanks can never re-pay them for all they’ve done for me, my kids…I will forever love and appreciate you both—Ariana and Jerilyn, you are sooo AMAZING and you’ve both unconditionally helped me and cared for me, thank you….THANK YOU!

Another HUGE thing! D has had her first article published in a major online magazine, AOL’s “Parent Dish”!! I am SO proud of her, so very proud. If my chest could puff out, it would haha! She’s an excellent writer and I want you all to go read the article, comment and PLEASE spread the word!! Also you can subscribe to her articles so you will know when her next one comes out!! Clicky the link below to go to the article! I LOVE YOU HONEY, you are amazing!

Losing A Breast In A Body-Obsessed Culture–Parent Dish Magazine

I’m out!

I DO NOT want pity, I detest it. I DO NOT want “attention”. In fact I do everything I can possible to detract attention. It makes me uncomfortable. I am one of the most loving, kind hearted, generous, caring and humble people you will ever happen upon in your life. I don’t think I am “the shit”, in fact most of the time I don’t feel I deserve love, friendship, etc. I was made to feel unworthy, but I am working on those issues.

I blog/write to PURGE. Not only about my abuse (which I kept a secret for 30 years), but about my illnesses. When I write, no matter what I write about--from the most painful to the most mundane--is important to ME. I don’t CARE if others look at it and go “Oooh, pooor V!”, or if they roll their eyes and say “Oh he’s at it again!”. I plain don’t give a shit. I write FOR ME. And if anyone doesn’t like it, well then, move the fuck on!!

I started writing first about my illnesses, I figured that someone out there somewhere felt as alone in their journey through cancer as I have felt. No matter how many people you are surrounded by, you still feel so alone. I wanted people to know that they aren’t alone, that *I* understand what they are going through and how hard it is. And to be honest, if it weren’t for me being brave and talking about the big “C”, then I probably would have never met D. She read one of my blogs and wrote me. Her first words to me were “You have cancer? Talk to me!”. So I did and look at me now, I have my soul mate and we are 5 years together and still going strong.

D is the one who talked me into blogging about my abuse. She was the one I finally spilled everything to. She’s been a rock over the last 5 years, listening to me cry, scream, be terrified and get angry as I told my secrets. She’s the one that endured hearing the man she loves more than anything fall apart night after night after night as I let go of all the evil things “Dad” did to me. We STILL go through it. It will never be the past for me. It will always be with me, until the day I die. So when I write a blog or a status message at FB, it’s NOT because I want anyone of you to feel sorry for me, or to give me an ounce of attention. It’s simply because I am having a rough time and I need to get it out.

I’m to the point in my life where I don’t give a rats ass if anyone comments on my stuff. I used to get upset and not understand why people would comment on Joe Blow’s blogs/status messages and just pass mine by no matter WHAT the content. I figured no one cared for shit about me or the things I had to say. Well I am saying now, I don’t GIVE A FUCK anymore. If people comment, fine. If they don’t FINE.

I won’t be saying anymore when I post a link at FB or Twitter letting everyone know I’ve written a blog-- ”Leave a comment, I love comments!” or “You don’t have to register, just comment!”. I’m sick to death of asking everyone to comment me, I’m sick of telling people that comments make me happy. Most people don’t care, they are living in their own little world without a thought to anyone else’s feelings!  You either comment or you don’t, plain and simple.

From now on I will simply state that I have written a new blog and if people want to comment, well then that’s great. But I honestly can’t care anymore. I’ve been let down by too many people, some of my so called “friends”. I am even cutting some FAMILY from my life, the ones that want to use me up and spit me out. The ones that only call or come around when they want something!!!  I want those that hurt me, use me, talk behind my back, pity me, make fun of me, etc., to know--don’t think anymore that I will give you a second thought or be hurt by you. I’m so over the bullshit!

I’ve grown by leaps and bounds over the last few months. I am NOT a doormat, I am NOT a yo-yo that can be bounced around, I am NOT a toy which you can pick up and throw down at will. I am a PERSON with feelings and I LET THOSE FEELINGS OUT and if YOU can’t handle them, well then all I can say is-- “Buh-bye and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!”.

D, my daughters, have shown me that I AM strong, I AM a good person and I DO NOT deserve to be treated like I am “retarded”, “stupid”, “ignorant”, “mean”, “evil”, “bad”! D has also taught me not to care what others think of me OR what I write.

So I have to say to her in this blog—Honey I love you and THANK YOU for inspiring me to be a stronger person, for loving me, for listening to me, for helping me grow!! I appreciate it more than words in this blog can say. You are just everything to me and I thank GOD everyday that we finally found each other after all this time of searching.

To the people that care, that KNOW why I am writing, to those that do bother to comment, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to do that for me. To the ones that are pretending to care, well just keep on pretending, but know that I am not stupid and I KNOW what you do. I am no longer a doormat, push over, punching bag, sex toy, sex object, bad boy, retard, stupid person, naive Autistic that you can walk over! I am STRONG, I am ME and I WILL do what I want, when I want. I will WRITE what I feel when I feel it! I DO NOT want your pity, your negative attention. I have figured out that as much as I’ve wanted friends, love, etc., most humans suck, they don’t think of anyone but themselves, they are selfish, self centered/self absorbed. So move on, just move on!

I’ve always known I was different from most people and honestly, I am GLAD I am. I don’t go out and intentionally hurt someone, I don’t cut people down, I don’t hate (only my “Dad”), I always try to forgive, I never look at someone’s pain and roll my eyes, I would never laugh at someone’s pain, I would NEVER ignore a friend. I don’t think I was meant for this world.

This song has always been one of my favorite songs. I’ve loved it since I was a child and the lyrics always touch me, always make me cry for humanity. And they are more true today than when the song came out years and years ago.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTKx2f44tDo

I’m out!

Interview with teacher who beat her student!

Ok, go watch the video, I’ll wait!

Now…I’m sorry but she’s FULL OF SHIT. I don’t care WHAT a student does NO teacher has the right to beat a kid. She tried to say she wasn’t beating him, yeah right. If she saw this kid “threatening” a special needs student, she could have CALMLY dealt with it. There are A LOT of teachers out there who deal with “problem kids” and special needs students. *I* was a special needs student because of my Autism. It’s teachers like HER who have KILLED Autistic kids! Teachers who think it’s ok to hit, sit on, restrain, slap, pinch, bite, poke, HURT a kid!

I don’t care HOW much pressure you are under, you have NO right to lay hands on a child, period! If you can’t handle the “pressure” of your job, then MOVE ON! I KNOW teaching is a thankless, hard job, but still…that’s no excuse. She can’t GIVE me a valid excuse for what she did. Watch the video of the beating, she says she wasn’t trying to hurt him? Did she think the KICK to the back (near his kidneys) didn’t hurt him? The punch to the face, the back and forth slapping of his face and head? Gimme a break, sister, you got pissed, you admitted you had just broken up a fight between two older kids. Look at her “fighting” stance–she calls it “intimidation”…HAH, yeah, uh huh. I’ve been into martial arts/kick boxing since I was a young kid, I know a fighting stance when I see one.

I am just so sick to death of people hurting children and then turning it around to make it the kids fault. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop pushing the blame. Her lawyer made me sick too, you can damn well bet she would be more than “mad” if some one beat her child like that.

Anyhow, I just had to rant after I saw that interview. She’s getting sued so she is now trying to do “damage control”. It’s much too late, lady. You should have thought about that before you put hands on a child!

I’m out!

Today is your birthday and I miss you SO bad. I didn’t talk about it to anyone today, I was just reflective, thinking about you. Your voice, your hugs, the way you smelled…your laugh, the way you loved me. OH MY GOD I miss you, I miss you soooo terribly. My heart aches for you. I need your hugs, your love so very badly, Papa. I need you. Why did God have to take you from me??? WHY???????????? Oh God…Can you see me right now, Papa? Can you see my tears streaming down my face? Can you feel my heart? Can you feel my love? Can you feel the need?

Will you be there waiting for me when it’s my turn to go home? Will you open your arms, so I can run into them and be enveloped in your love and warmth?? Will you kiss my face like you used to? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I’ve always loved you so much!!! You are my REAL father, you are my beautiful, Greek Papa….GOD how I love you, how I’ve longed for you since you died and left me here in this horrible place. I’ve often prayed to be with you….I MISS YOU! I LOVE YOU!!!! I will see you soon, my Papa!

Please come to me tonight while I sleep and kiss my wet eyelashes, brush my hair back and stroke my head like you used to. I need it, so much…….

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpDlfQ6Nbv0

Things My Father Said Lyrics

The things my father said would make me a better man
Hard work and the love of friends, a woman that understands 

I hope my father knows the seeds we’ve sewn still grow
At night I go to sleep and pray he’s watching over me

Somewhere there’s a star that’s shining
So bright that I can see you smile
And all that I need is one last chance
Just to hear you say goodbye

Sometimes I remember, when you taught me to tie my shoes
One thing I will never forget, is the day that I lost you

I hope you always know the car that we built will always roll

Somewhere there’s a star that’s shining
So bright that I can see you smile
And all that I need is one last chance
Just to hear you say goodbye

And if you have a dream you better hang on for dear life
And when that cold wind blows, just let it pass you by

The things my father said

Somewhere there’s a star that’s shining
So bright that I can see you smile
And all that I need is one last chance
Just to hear you say goodbye…

**Please don’t steal the above drawing. My wife did this of ME AND MY PAPA! It’s precious to me…

I want you to watch this video. It’s VERY disturbing….

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7j9Ods6eBk

Look at her “stance”, she was ready to FIGHT this child. Did you notice how he didn’t fight back? Also, did you notice how some of the kids were LAUGHING. What is wrong with our society? It’s ok to laugh when someone is being beaten down? It’s ok for these teachers to do this to our children?

I am disgusted. This happened at a charter school in Houston. Yeah, they fired the teacher, BUT it should have NEVER happened. At NO time does a teacher have a right to abuse a child. She isn’t even in JAIL. If we did that to our children, we would be in jail AND we would lose them! So, it’s ok for a teacher to do it and not be arrested??? WTF?

They say she did it because he teased a girl in class. RIDICULOUS. You TALK to a student if they do something wrong like that, but you don’t beat them! Her fighting stance disturbed me so much! She was itching to beat this kid.

How do you feel about it? What would you do if it was YOUR child?!?!?

I am watching the Tyra Banks  show and I have to say my jaw is dropping! The topic today is the lengths parents will go to have their children in acting/modeling.

Tyra’s producers put out a fake casting call and videotaped these people bringing in their children for interviews. These parents are saying they would take their children for plastic surgery, that they were ok with partial nudity, etc…These children are 4, 5, 6 years old! WHAT THE FUCK are they thinking?!??! One woman even said she would possibly allow her children to have breast augmentation and they were 5 and 7… BREAST augmentation for a child that small?

One idiot mother even said she would probably allow her 4 year old to be partially nude AND even simulate a LOVE SCENE, she said she would allow her 5 year old to play a child prostitute in a movie!!! She kept saying “It’s just acting….we’ll do anything to make her a star”, NO it’s putting YOUR child in a sexual situation!! Do these parents not realize this a pedophile’s dream? That is borderline CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!!

I could NOT imagine taking my child to have breast augmentation, a nose job, botox injections just so she could be an actress or model! The idiot who would allow her child to do partial nudity and simulated love scenes keeps saying it’s what her daughter wants. BULLSHIT, a 4 year old is more interested in playing with their friends, watching cartoons, fun things like that. I think these mother’s want their children in modeling/acting because it’s THEIR dream, not the child. That makes me very sad and very angry.

I saw these mothers and fathers leaving their children ALONE with these people (2 MEN) they’ve just met, how do they know their child won’t be molested/raped….*sigh*, it’s all very disturbing!

There was only ONE man out of the parents they saw that said “NO!” to the plastic surgery, to leaving his daughter alone with the men. I commend him! He was NOT willing to put his child at risk (by leaving her alone), he was not willing to alter his child’s appearance!!

I am so saddened and sickened by this show. It makes me sick how these parents were so willing to take away their kids childhoods for the sake of living vicariously through them!!  Let your kids be KIDS!!! Acting/modeling is a HARD business and it’s something a young child just cannot handle. Also, plastic surgery on a child is SICK and in my opinion any surgeon who would do plastic surgery on a young child solely because a parent wanted it done for acting/modeling should be prosecuted and lose their medical license. There’s one thing to fix a child’s nose because they have a deviated septum, it’s another to do breast augmentation on a 5, 6, 7 year old! Just thinking of that makes me want to vomit. Parents who do that to a child should be investigated by child services!

As a survivor of child abuse/molestation/rape, I would NEVER put my children in that situation!! Good God, people, stop and think before you do these things to your child! LET THEM BE KIDS! Don’t take their innocence away!

Good for you Tyra, for calling these people out!!

All of my life I’ve felt I don’t BELONG anywhere. I’m so different, so unlike anyone else I’ve ever met…I don’t fit in with society, I don’t fit in with my family. I often wonder why my Mom had me, why not just abort me. The ONLY time I ever felt like I belonged was when my Papa was alive and he died when I was 5 years old.

I’ve lived a life void of any affection, no “I love you’s”, no hugs, kisses. As a child the only “attention” I got was being raped, beaten, tortured. I belonged as a sex toy for “Dad” and the others. My Mom wasn’t affection with me. Her parents weren’t affectionate with her, so in turn I guess she didn’t know how to be affectionate with me. When things get “tough”, my Mom seems to just go inside herself and “not see” what is right in front of her. My “Dad” cheated on her constantly, hurt her, but DAMN, WHY didn’t she see the signs of my abuse…I used to defend her to the death, but the more I think, the angrier I get! My Papa begged her to leave that piece of shit and marry HIM, but she stayed with “Dad” and in doing that, caused me a lifetime of suffering and abuse. WHY DIDN’T SHE SEE!??? 

Even to this day, I only get ONE hug a year from Mom…at Christmas and when she hugs me I never want it to end, because I never got that as a child. But still to this day she never says “I love you” to me. I was never told “I’m so proud of you!!”, even though I was playing piano at 3, drawing younger than that. Even though I became a decently successful musician AND vice president at my job. Even though I ended up with my black belt in karate. Even though I won numerous tournaments. Even though I graduated high school with a 4.0 grade average…so many “Even thoughs”. Never once did I hear anyone say “I am so proud of you.”.

My sisters came along (the first one was born when I was 14) and things got worse for me. I watched my Mom and “Dad” shower them with affection, when all I got, still was fucked, beaten and tortured by “Dad”, and no affection from Mom. I never took that out on my sisters, I loved them. When I finally got my own place, I would take them to stay all night with me, I showered them with attention, I bought them things, I was GOOD to them. Now that they are older, they have turned against me. They lie to my Mother about me, they talk behind my back. They steal from me, they hit me up for money I DO NOT HAVE. Even with my sisters I do not belong.

I go out, to the store, to the doctor…and I don’t belong. I get a variation each time from people, but still always the same. I get called “retard”, “stupid”, “faggot”, “queer”, “homo”, you get the picture. So I don’t belong in society. Even though I try to treat people how *I* want to be treated. I don’t belong.

I make friends..and YES a few of them have stuck to me like glue and for that I am SO happy, but the majority end up turning their backs on me. Either just quietly walking away or going to pieces and hurting me for various reasons, like being HONEST with them, not doing what they think I should do in the time they WANT, things like that. I AM NEVER a mean person. I just want to love and be loved, but I don’t belong.

I’ve had a death wish my whole life…suicide attempts upon suicide attempts. And you know what? I was thinking about this last night and again this morning. Every suicide attempt, every time I hurt myself by cutting, every time I was hospitalized, NO ONE told me…“Please, stop hurting yourself, I love you and want you around!”, some times I wish that I would have just died. I wouldn’t have had to deal with yet more years of abuse from my “Dad”, from people I dated/married, from society. I wouldn’t have gotten this cancer and had to suffer an ungodly amount of years.

I’ve never known what it’s like to have a “normal” life. Normal goals, normal hopes and dreams. I’ve never BEEN normal. I’m tall and lanky, clumsy, awkward, backwards. I look unlike no one I’ve ever seen. I’m not “manly”, I’m effeminate, I’m “swishy”…I’m Autistic, I have other mental issues that were caused by my abuse. I’m different, plain and simple. HELL, even my eye color is different. I love being uniquely me, but why can’t people/society just accept me as I am? Why couldn’t my parents love and accept me as I am? Why have I never belonged?

All I have ever wanted was affection! All I have ever wanted was to hear “I LOVE YOU” from my Mother. All I have ever wanted is to be able to go outside and not hear mean things from people. All I have ever wanted is to go out and NOT be treated like a sex object because of the way I look. All I’ve ever wanted is to BELONG. Some where, anywhere…….But I don’t know if I ever will.

I’m out.

Peter Steele of  Type O Negative passed away from heart failure last night at age 48.

I am EXTREMELY sad over this. Type O Negative has been one of my favorite bands since they started in the early 90′s. I was always amazed at how Peter seemed to read my mind in a lot of their songs. He suffered from clinical depression as do I and I identified with so many of the lyrics he wrote.  He was an inch shorter than me HAH, he was unique and different like me…He was a tortured soul…ah fuck I just identified with him on so many levels. And it FUCKING SUCKS that he is gone….My heart is broken.

It’s really hard to believe he is dead and we won’t be hearing any new Type O Negative material. I guess we will all just have to cherish all the old stuff.

R.I.P., Peter. I hope you are finally at peace. You and your music will be missed!

“Lay your head down for the last time, the last time……..” --Die With Me

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dWBgrdafMI